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Thursday, September 11, 2008,10:38 PM
Deadly Fruit....!
Deadly Fruit....!
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden,
a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up,
they were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then said "All of your l ives
may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me. "
So after a while the first man returned with10 apples. The cheif then ordered him t
o stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face.
He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put
the next one in. He was soon killed.Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes.
The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape,
the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did
you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!
"The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third
guy walking in with pineapples."
Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:34 PM
Condoms For Every Man
Condoms For Every ManA man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display,
and the boy asks, "What's are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively.
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.
"He looks over the display and picks up a
package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys.
One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6-pack and asks,
"Then who are these for?""Those are for college men,"
The dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday,
and TWO for Sunday.""WOW!" exclaimed the boy.
"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.
One for January, one for February, one for March..."
Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:31 PM
Part 3
小明常常看到老師就馬上跑掉，老師覺得小明這樣做很討厭，所以老師歹到小明，好好跟他談論一番。老師：「小明，為什麼你看到老師就會跑掉，非常不禮貌喔！」小明：「老師，不是有句話說「敬鬼神而遠之」嗎？」老師：「＝-＝」Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:27 PM
Part 1‧
Part 1‧小明媽：「小明，去洗澡，把衣服脫下來放到洗衣機裡，媽媽要洗衣服！」小明把衣服像垃圾一樣準確地丟到洗衣機裡。小明媽：「衣服不准亂扔！」小明：「我不是亂扔，我是瞄準好以後才扔的。」小明媽：「⊙＿⊙........。」Part 2‧小明媽：「把衣服放到洗衣機以前要先把口袋掏乾淨，你看！口袋裡到處都是零錢，叫我怎麼洗？」小明：「那是給你的小費。」小明媽：「＄ω＄」。。。。tobe continueLabels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:24 PM
賣書
賣書 【幽默】 一個很有名的作家要來書店參觀。書店老闆受寵若驚，連忙把所有的書撤下，全部換上作家的書。 作家來到書店後，心裏非常高興，問道：“貴店只售本人的書嗎？” “當然不是。”書店老闆回答，“別的書銷路很好，都賣完了。 【頓悟】 “拍馬屁”是個奇怪的詞：你像是在奉承他，又像是在侮辱他。
Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:20 PM
傷心故事
傷心故事 【幽默】 有三個人到紐約度假。他們在一座高層賓館的第45層訂了一個套房。 一天晚上，大樓電梯出現故障，服務員安排他們在大廳過夜。 他們商量後，決定徒步走回房間，並約定輪流說笑話、唱歌和講故事，以減輕登樓的勞累。笑話講了，歌也唱了，好不容易爬到第34層，大家都感覺精疲力竭。“好吧，彼德，你來講個幽默故事吧。” 彼德說：“故事不長，卻令人傷心至極：我把房間的鑰匙忘在大廳了。” 【頓悟】 我們痛苦，所以幽默；我們幽默，所以快樂。Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:16 PM
穿錯
穿錯 【幽默】 飯廳內，一個異常謙恭的人膽怯地碰了碰另一個顧客，那人正在穿一件大衣。“對不起，請問您是不是皮埃爾先生？” “不，我不是。”那人回答。 “啊，”他舒了一口氣，“那我沒弄錯，我就是他，您穿了他的大衣。” 【頓悟】 要做到理直氣壯，並不是件容易的事情。理直的人，往往低聲下氣；而理歪的人，卻是氣壯如牛。Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:14 PM
英國紳士
英國紳士與法國女人同乘一個包廂，女人想引誘這個英國人，她脫衣躺下後 就抱怨身上發冷。先生把自己的被子給了她，她還是不停地說冷。 “我還能怎麼幫助你呢？”先生沮喪地問道。 “我小時候媽媽總是用自己的身體給我取暖。” “小姐，這我就愛莫能助了。我總不能跳下火車去找你的媽媽吧？” Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:09 PM
調羹
調羹
麥克走進餐館，點了一份湯，服務員馬上給他端了上來。
服務員剛走開，麥克就嚷嚷起來：“對不起，這湯我沒法喝。” 服務員重新給他上了一個湯，他還是說：這湯我沒法喝。”服務員只好叫來經理。經理畢恭畢敬地朝麥克點點頭，說：“先生，這道菜是本店最拿手的，深受顧客 歡迎，難道您…! …” “我是說，調羹在哪里呢？” 有錯就改，當然是件好事。但我們常常卻改掉正確的，留下錯誤的，結果是錯上加錯。Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
Sunday, September 7, 2008,2:51 AM
结婚前的对话
That are fact.....................结婚前的对话他:万岁!终于到来了!我等不及了!她:我可以离开吗?他:不,你甚至想都别想!她:你爱我吗?他:当然!她:你会背叛我吗?他:不会,你怎么会有这样的想法?她:你会吻我吗?他:会的!她:你会打我吗?他:无论如何都不!她:你能相信我吗?(结婚后从下往上看) 哈哈哈。。。。。。Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
Thursday, August 14, 2008,11:37 PM
不要吵死人
^^^^不要吵死人^^^^
.......
.............
哈哈。谁的电话没有关？我现在演哭戏嘞！
Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
Thursday, May 8, 2008,11:29 PM
社會怪現象──沒錢和有錢
社會怪現象──沒錢和有錢沒錢的時候，養豬；
有錢的時候，養狗；
沒錢的時候，在家裡吃野菜；
有錢的時候，在酒店吃野菜；
沒錢的時候，在馬路上騎自行車；
有錢的時候，在客廳裡騎自行車；
沒錢的時候，想結婚，
有錢的時候，想離婚；
沒錢的時候, 老婆兼秘書，
有錢的時候, 秘書兼老婆；
沒錢的時候, 假裝有錢，
有錢的時候, 假裝沒錢。
人啊，都不講實話：
說股票是毒品，都在玩；
說金錢是罪惡，都在撈；
說美女是禍水，都想要；
說高處不勝寒，都在爬；
說煙酒傷身體，就不戒；
說天堂最美好，都不去！
當今社會，窮吃肉，富吃蝦，領導幹部吃王八；
男想高，女想瘦，狗穿衣裳人露肉；
過去把第一次留給丈夫，現在把第一胎留給丈夫；
鄉下早晨雞叫人，城裡晚上人叫雞；
舊社會 戲子賣藝不賣身，新社會演員賣身不賣藝。Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
,10:18 PM
Ah Beng - NEW STUFF
Ah Beng - NEW STUFF********************
Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a proud because my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be OK.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the park today, everybody said,Oh GOD! you have come again.
===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."
=============================================
How do you recognise Ah Beng in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so.
He replied that the weather forecastannounced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand itwouldbe hot.
==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and says"Hello, how did you know I was here?"
===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?===================================================
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "you will go to jail"
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and
notin the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Hope you enjoy the joke ("/) hahahahahaLabels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
Monday, May 5, 2008,10:03 PM
Funny truths - Singapore
Funny truths about life in small small SingaporeThis ain't fresh but it's time we kinda laugh at ourselves.
The dichotomy of life in Singapore. Funny truths about life in small small Singapore
1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on
2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restrictions on buying)
5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the t equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car, Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans
10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland China Chinese
11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus, Second section is for Carrying Ghost
Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
Wednesday, March 19, 2008,1:50 PM
What is your name??
Do you believe this??????????????????????????
=May I know your name?""
+My name is Bat-man..."
="Trying to be funny?!. "
="What is your surname?.."
+"Supar-man..."
+"If you believe LOOK at my IC............"
Labels: 幽默笑话 - Jokes
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